Things that piss me off

Guys Who "Know Karate"
Q: Which demographic group gets their asses kicked more than any other?
A: Young males who say they know karate. While many people deserve to be punched in the face, nobody paints the target on themselves quite so distinctly as these guys. Some of them may in fact know some karate, most of them don't, but it hardly matters. Saying "I know karate" in a bar is the equivalent of saying "I'll be right back" in a horror movie. Bad things are about to happen to you. Next time you open your mouth, pour a drink in it instead.

Ambiguous Warning Shouts

"Look out! Watch out! Heads up!" What are you supposed to do when someone shouts one of these at you? Most people hunch over slightly and feebly raise their hands close to their head. Another common reaction is to turn directly towards the source of the warning, which, if this is also the source of the impending danger, is about the worst thing you could do. I propose instead a series of six generally accepted warning shouts: Stop! Run! Duck! Jump! Step left! Step right!
Doesn't that seem much more likely to save your life than HEADS UP? Even if you don't know your left from your right, you still have a 50/50 chance, which I would say is better odds than you get from WATCH OUT!

Given the DirtyCaveMan's mission to eliminate apathy, you would think I'd be in favor of voting. And you'd be wrong. Voting is just another way for apathetic couch-potato losers to feel good about themselves while still doing essentially nothing. I don't know exactly what you expect from that guy you just put an X beside, but I do know that if you're not out there doing it yourself, it's just not going to get done. Next time you vote, wipe the sweat from your brow, catch your breath and see if you can find the energy to pat yourself on the back. You've just made the smallest imaginable contribution to improving your society.
You are a fart in a hurricane.

Two-hundred bucks for a unicycle? You've got to be kidding me. With all the ways you can look like a dumbass for free, why would anyone pay two-hundred bucks for a unicycle? Why not just wear your underwear outside your pants? You'd look just as stupid and you'd still have your two-hundred bucks. Normal people of the world unite - whenever you see a loser on a unicycle (i.e. anyone on a unicycle) push him off, berate him publicly and smash his little idiot-mobile.


TheCaveMan's true origins are unknown, yet several rumors persist.

Some state that he comes from the Northwest, born of a great clamshell, and others claim that he was begat by a union of stellar gasses in a distant galaxy....

In reality, He was spat forth into the World in the little community of Los Gatos, CA...home of the Pet Rock (hold applause). His Father was a brilliant innovator in enabling software and system integrity assesment, as well as commercializing semantic technologies, and holds several patents.

TheCaveMan was a precocious and asthmatic child who always seemed to hurt himself doing the most mundane things, proving that a Big Wheel and a slingshot were probably bad gift choices.

Naturally it was never fully discovered how gifted TheCaveMan was, until one day when an a court-appointed therapist would declare TheCaveMan as "talent"; ...not "a talent", "with talent", or even "a talented individual", but simply as "talent".

Never before had any person ever been labeled with such vague ambiguity.


After nearly a decade in the repossession industry, the CaveMan decided on something a little less physical, so he took up the game of golf.

That switch lead to several years as a PGA apprentice

Flash forward to 2005, and Life found the CaveMan immersed in retail; namely the skateboard industry...and Sanctuary Skateshop in Sedona, AZ lasted a few years longer than CaveMan was prepared to last.

Nowadays the CaveMan keeps himself busy as a 07 FFL/02 SOT under the moniker Equalizer Emporium. His focus is on weapon system development and distribution for military and law enforcement agencies. Equalizer offers transfers, custom builds and orders, as well as gunsmithing/troubleshooting current weapon systems and conversions of existing agency weapons to NFA/"Other".
Equalizer is also a registered USMIL importer of firearms, ammunition, and implements of war.

He does it for the chicks.

Things that are absolute...

You cannot just print money willy-nilly. This will devalue U.S. currency.

Sharia law is NOT compatible with Western religion.

A lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying.